All Aboard...
It seems you can't tune into the news these days without fresh new sexual harassment allegations against some movie producer, celebrity, person in power. The old ball got rolling (oh...bad choice of words) when allegations began about Harvey Weinstein. And there have been jokes about him being a slimeball pervmeister for decades. So why did this particular outcry suddenly take? Maybe it was the sheer volume of women coming forward--with a veritable avalanche of allegations against him. Or just one too many hotel room massage meetings?
This was followed up by Alyssa Milano's #metoo campaign. Twitter and facebook and who knows what other social media were flooded with women telling their accounts of the sexual harassment they have experienced in their lifetimes. And my big take-away from that movement is that most women and a fair few men would have had to spend their teens and 20's under a rock to not have a "me too" story to share because we've all got them.
And now we can add to the toppled icon mix a couple of Senators, tv talk show personalities, CEO's and publishing execs, Matt Lauer, and who knows who else will come crashing down from their mighty pedestals before all is said and done. Apparently, we can only turn a blind eye to "pussy grabbers" when we are electing them for our top office but everyone else is fair game.
I in no way support sexual predators. I was incensed when Rapist Brock Turner was given a slap on the wrist after he sexually assaulted an unconscious young woman. But for crying out loud, the current witch hunt that is happening can't be the answer, either. What disturbs me most about all of this is that no due process seems to be happening. Women with stories from as many as 10-20 years ago suddenly decide that they need to speak up against someone and he is immediately forced to resign from his job. It's kind of like the Salem Witch Trials, circa 2017.
Another starlet comes forward with her tale of being "sexually harassed" but then admits that the man "respectfully stopped" when she told him to. So I think it begs the question--is that sexual harassment? If not, then what is sexual harassment? Is it anything I'm uncomfortable with? If so, let me head to the nearest college campus so I can take shelter in the designated "safe space". If I tell someone to stop, that they're making me uncomfortable, and they "respectfully stop" did harassment happen? Or does it revolve around power differences? Is it harassment only as long as the person has some sort of power over me? Or controls an industry I want to work in? Is it harassment if a man I'm not attracted makes a pass at me? What if George Clooney makes a pass--is it still harassment?
I once worked with a woman who complained to me about being sexually harassed by someone we worked with. She seemed quite distressed about it, debating whether to report him or not, and frankly I was kind of shocked and offended on her behalf. I have definitely not had that experience as a teacher--even when I was younger and cuter! I can't think of a venue less likely to inspire harassment. But as it happened, a few days later I went to a party and the both of them happened to be there. I thought, "Oh dear--this is going to be awkward." But no--they drank a couple of beers, had some playful banter back and forth, and the next thing I know, she slaps the guy on his rear, laughing and smiling as she did so. Seriously, who was harassing whom?
Clearly I don't have the answers here, but some life experience has given me me a few observations. When I have conducted myself professionally, harassment hasn't happened. When I have dressed professionally, harassment hasn't happened. When I have been sober and in control of my behavior, harassment hasn't happened. That's not to say harassment should happen if I'm dressed like a two bit hooker on the pull while nursing a fifth of Jack, but I have found my deportment, dress, and demeanor go a long way in my having control over a situation. Maybe I've been in the right places or avoided the wrong places. Maybe I chose a career that was fairly safe. Maybe I've just been lucky. As I said, I don't have the answer. Maybe a little mutual respect? But this current get-onboard-the-harassment-bandwagon approach doesn't seem to be the answer, either.
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